I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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