New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
