If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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