fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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