There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize