I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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