Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dicks are not precious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
