If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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