i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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