Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
