They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize