Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
