I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
