i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
