please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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