I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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