Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
