my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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