woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
