so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
