he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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