hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
