the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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