Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
