the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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