So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
