Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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