You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize