My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
