I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
