I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
