My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just cropdusted the office
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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