My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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