the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
