Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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