My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize