At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
