Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
