Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
