She's JV to your varsity
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize