So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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