she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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