I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the day after is always just damage control
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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