How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
