Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
