battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
