Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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