Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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