thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
