Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
