hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
