he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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