It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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