Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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