the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
