I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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