I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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