I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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