So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
