Well douche your snatch and let's go!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
