i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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