last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
