I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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