Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
