Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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