That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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