Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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