If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
