hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize