I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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