So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
