She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
