Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
