The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
