K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
only you would photoshop your dick
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were destined to go to rehab together
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
