we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
