grandma shit on top of the toilet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
