We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
