You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
